Friday, August 17, 2012

The 2 Meanings of Realization…


Realization: 1) an act of becoming fully aware of something as a fact.

I have slowly come to the realization that I need to get a grip on life. I tend to let things go, spend too much time doing some things and not enough time doing others, or I simply don’t make the time to do them. I would rather waste the mornings away over some coffee and catching up on blogs or the news then to do housework and doing my daily Bible readings. I have come to the point of being worn out, mentally. I have so much on my mind, a long list of to-do’s that every day just keeps on growing. I am sure you know where I am coming from. I know I am not the only woman, wife, or even mother who sometimes comes to that realization that laziness has kicked in and seeing all the horrible effects it leaves. I was raised in a home that literally had to be wiped down with Clorox Bleach 1-2 times a week due to health issues of a sibling, we had to run air purifiers, shower and change clothes after coming in from school or anything, pure sterile was the life of cleanliness I grew up with. As I have became a wife and mother I tend to just let some things be, I could care less if my kids make a huge mess and wait until bed to clean it up, I could care less if I sweep once a day and that’s its after dinner, I could care less if I don’t vacuum daily or clean the bathrooms every other day, or even leave dishes in the sink until right before I go to bed sometime between midnight and 2 AM. Yep, that’s been then the routine. I have so much I struggle with from certain issues within our family that I just kinda gave up on things, stopped caring so to speak…I lost the joy I had in life, my family, myself and even God. I don’t talk to God so much, nor do I speak with family members like I used to, I zone into my own world after I get the kids tucked into bed. The world of doubt, bashings, insecurities, loneliness, feeling unwanted and unloved; I figure well nobody cares really what I do or how I feel so I am just quitting and I won’t care anymore either. Well, obviously that is not the right way to go about things. Obviously 1 person will always see and hear what you’re doing, that same person can read your every thought, and that 1 person does care about what you’re doing with your days and time. That 1 person is God. God loves you and even me. He knows how many breathes we will take, and how many days we will live, and even the amount of hairs on our heads. He knows when you think your all alone and doing things you shouldn’t ie: secretly spending money, hiding money, checking out that attractive man/woman, telling white lies, judging people in your thoughts just not out loud, scolding your children for unimportant things, not spending enough time with your husband/wife/children. All these things God see’s, He’s right there literally in the room with you and observing you. You may hear that still small voice and ignore it by pushing it to the side, and it may grow and grow until its beaming in a tone that is no longer ignorable. That’s where I am. Listening to the booming sound of a voice I shouldn’t ever ignore! I know I am not the only one, who wants to actually be told your doing something wrong especially by God? Not I…and I know in the bottom your heart if you’re being honest with yourself you have been there and you know exactly what I am talking about. How do I know this you may ask, well because we are human and we are not perfect. We all make mistakes, yours and mine will be different, but to God they are all the same, no sin is judged differently.  A sin is a sin is a sin, is what I like to say to my children, I don’t always like saying to myself. Nobody does. We just need to understand that throughout our lives we will do things that are not ok and we need to take them to God and ask for forgiveness and guidance on it and move on. Take what He says to heart, you will only figure that out through reading your Bible {which I need to be doing more often}…No, I am not pointing fingers at you, I am pointing them at myself on that! Realizing, that is what I am doing lately, noticing the things that I fall short on, and learning to ask for guidance so I can move forward in life, so I can get to definition number 2 of realization…

2) The fulfillment of achievement of something desired or anticipated;
ie: the realization of her dream

I want to feel the achievement of doing God’s work and not my own, living out His words and guiding my children to the right paths they should take. Learning where I am supposed to be and following that path…With God the race never ends, because Satan is always there trying to pull us down, he will continue to do so if we let him, and we will never get to the fulfillment of achieving what God has laid out for us. I know for me personally I want to be a wonderful mother, someone my children can count on and come to whenever they need me. I want them to look back and know that I did all in my power to give them a great life with Godly wisdom in our days, I want my daughter to see how to be a wife through me, and my sons to pick a wife based off me, meaning a Godly wife and someone who meshes with them well. I want my husband to be proud to have me as his wife, and to never feel ashamed. I want to do what God wants me to do without ever second guessing it. I want to find myself through finding God. That is what I am setting for myself…
What about you?

Pt 1 of My Proverbs 31 Journey


3 comments:

  1. I want my children to be happy, and if that means the house isn't perfect so I can be off doing other things with them, I'm fine with it.

    I doubt on my dying day I will ever say I wish I had been cuter for my husband, or neater for my nosey neighbors. God knows I love and live for Him, and that light shines from within me and cannot be determined from what others think of me or percieve my 'worthiness' to be. I am glad you are reflecting on these things, as a young woman, mother and wife it is so important to know your value in this world. Especially when it comes to those beautiful children of yours. Happy weekend!

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  2. Well, I'm sure you are very busy and you drink your coffee on the go most days! How is Gaby doing in her homeschool? I would love to see some of her schoolwork on the blog. :)

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  3. I understand exactly how you feel. I was at realization number 1 a couple of months ago and it's not a fun place to be. I really had to pray through it. The good part about it, was that I feel like though I was a little broken down, God built me back up better than what I was. And realization number 2 - have really felt lately that God didn't just call me to be a good mom, but to be a Godly mom. Thank you for posting this. It's so nice to see that other mom's go through this sometimes too.

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