Thursday, September 05, 2013

Those Little Imperfections...

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I seen the above image on Pinterest the other day, it really got me thinking about my own Body Image struggles and the ones that I really hope my daughter never has to face. I remember starting middle school, I had hit puberty that summer before 6th grade and man, was I not really prepared for those body changes that happened. I wasnt prepared for it in any way, I lived with my dad, he did his best to explain things to me the best way a man could, my step-mom helped too, but I never really expressed my own thoughts about the changes that took place. All of a sudden I got a bit taller, my bust finally became a bust, it was time to shave, and the big one of a bigger appetite came. Through middle school I was the same size as most of my friends, obviously we all varied because everyone is different but I was average like most girls my age, however high school hit and thats when my struggle really started. 

Upon trying to fit in with all the other people around me, making new friends, trying to keep the friends I had, and all the raging hormones of teenagers, my weight became my enemy. I wasnt thin enough for this group of girls or that group, my friends were always talking about this or that "new" diet, some were starving themselves and became anorexic, while others due to stress or depression from teenage issues became overweight. I chose to somewhat go in the middle, I never ate breakfast, lived on caffeine drinks, and at 1 maybe 2 meals a day depending on if the cafeteria at school served something good or not. I never snacked. I played soccer, so I worked out with the team during the season and when it was off season I would run every day around the neighborhood by my house to lose that little bit of fat I had. 

When I started high school I was a size 7 by the end due to a pregnancy I was a size 11, now after a total of 4 pregnancies and my own battle of depression I am a size 14/16 depending on the brand. I am no where near the size I would love to be, however the image above made me think not just about myself and my struggles but my one and only daughter. 

My daughter is much like I was when I was her age, she is tall with sandy blonde hair, and bright blue eyes {mine are brown}...she is fair skinned, and burns easily outdoors, she reminds me so much of a Little Victorian Lady. Although she certainly doesnt have any confidence issues right now, or body image issues, I know one day they will come, she will get older, she will start to notice those little imperfections that to me are just perfect because I am biased as her mom, she will start complaining about things just as most girls have at some point in their lives. But, as her mom, and although she is just perfect to me, I have to learn how to control my own self beat up, so I dont cause her self beat up. Yes I may be over weight right now, yes my hair may drive me nuts because its short, yes I may hate wearing certain clothing because it doesnt flatter me like it does other women, yes I may hate those blemishes I sometimes get, or the scars on my face from chicken pox, or that when I smile I only have one dimple, or that sometimes when I squint only one of my eyes does that move, or I make those same facial expressions my own mom makes, but they are my imperfections and I have to deal with them, but I can do it silently instead of so verbal, I could stand to be a bit kinder to myself. If I make notice of all those red flags about my own body and personality then my daughter will son catch on, and in turn she will make notice of her own, which will start the battle of body image for her. 

One thing I truly wish is that I would have had a great relationship at that time with my own mom, maybe it would have helped me to not struggle the way I do so much about my own body issues, I know now that having a strong role model in a girls life is one of the most important things. I want to be that role model for my daughter no matter what I look like. 

So, today I am leaving you with these thoughts:

How do you handle your own body issues?
How do you role model a good self esteem to your children whether they are girls or boys?
Who is your role model?

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