Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Choosing The NOW! Where Are You Currently Living?...


Do you ever just have those days where your down, where you just have no energy to do anything, and your pretty much sulking in your own pity party?

A couple days ago I had one of those days. I had been up too late the night before, woke with a migraine, had no energy to do a single thing and my mind just kept on bashing me. When I say bashing I mean the bashing from years and years ago to current and beyond. I just couldn’t catch a break with myself. I had things I wanted to do that day, a mental list of things that I have wanted to do for a while but had not gotten to doing. I decided while the boys took a nap I would sit in the study, listen to praise and worship music, and create my now and then board. I had cut a bunch of items out of magazines to use on my board and thought put a lot of thought into what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be in a year from now.

I finally got situated and found a piece of cardboard to use. I had everything laid out and was cracking away at placement and thought. However, the whole time I am working on this item I am still not catching a break with myself, by the time I get finished putting everything together I am so angry, angry at myself, angry at the board, and angry for a million and one reasons that are just beyond me. I sat starring at this board for about 15 minutes, a whole 15 minutes of pure anger. I wanted to just rip it to shreds and burn it in the fire. I was just so darn angry.

When I decided to turn around, a bookcase sits directly behind where I was sitting, a book caught my eye. It’s a book by Joyce Meyer called Enjoying Where You Are on the way to Where You Are Going-Learning how to live a joyful spirit-led life. I picked up this book, looked at its cover, and flipped through the pages. I love Joyce Meyer, she is a wonderful woman of God who literally  just rips you a new one in a kind way. I have listened to many of her teachings and have quite a few of her books. As I looked at this book I just wanted to toss it back on the shelf because who really likes being told they have an issue in a discrete way?! I knew God was showing me this book on purpose, I did, I fought so hard to just put it down, but I couldn’t. I started reading while waiting to pick up the kids at school, by the time I went to bed I was on chapter 4. The chapters aren’t long in the beginning, but I wanted to soak things in, take my time reading and really think about how I am being as a person and Christian.

In the first chapter, page 8 in the copy I have, Joyce makes a quote that says I am not where I need to be, but Thank God, I am not where I used to be. I am okay and I am on my way!  I thought about that quote so hard that day, and it still has not left my mind. To go on in the book Joyce talks about happiness, I realized I haven’t been happy in a long time with myself. I am my worst enemy and the one enemy I cannot escape. I am so hard on myself, so hard. I compare myself to others all the time, I talk about my weight in a negative aspect instead of realizing that I have had 4 children and my body will never be the same as a high school girls, I just bash and bash myself. I get angry really easily. I can spit fire with the best of them. As I kept reading I realized that I spend too much time focusing on the past and future rather than where I am right NOW. I forget that I am not promised tomorrow, I can make plans or set goals of the future and I can even rip myself a new one for my past mistakes, but I am only here today, right now.

We as Christians are not promised tomorrow, we should never live our life in the past or future. We can make goals, and plans but we never know what second will be our last. We don’t have the book of life right before our eyes, its not like in the Disney Hercules movie where the 3 decrepit women are all helping Satan decide when its someone’s time and they cut the string. Satan has no idea when our last breath will be, he just likes to make us instances in life that could potentially kill us, he doesn’t know what will actually happen when our soul leaves our body, he is just taking a gamble. Only Jesus truly knows our life story and knows who we are from beginning to end.

As I thought more and more about how I have been to myself, I started feeling sorry for myself, like I mentioned I can spit fire with the best and myself is no exception of targets. I thought about that board I had created, and although its still sitting in the study its not my goal in the year any longer. Its just a board of things I like, like a mood board or something, not a goal board. I have decided to just live in the moment, be happy with who I am because I like Jesus truly know my heart, take each day as a gift and use the time in that day wisely. I have struggled so much with my weight, I have a gym membership that will be used and used to the fullest it can be, however my goal is to just be healthy, a healthy God loving, fearing woman, who loves and in some way helps the others around her. I don’t want to look back on my days and dislike them, I want to know that I am making a difference in not only myself but others.

When we live in the past, we are basically longing for something that already happened, replaying moments that mattered but not making a difference in today; When we focus to much on the future we are basically playing moments we "hope" will happen, or scenes that may or may not happen over and over again. However when we live in the NOW, we are capable to make a difference in ourselves and others, put forth effort to one day make our future more of what we hope it will be. 

I am no longer going to be hard on myself, if one day I am sick and cannot make the gym then so be it, there are so many other days ahead of me. If one day I don’t get ready I will not bash myself for my looks. If I make mistakes which as a sinner is inevitable then so be it, I will learn from them and do better the next time.

I don’t know about you, I don’t know where you are in life, or what you’re a going through. I don’t know where you have been nor where you are going, but what I do know is that we are fleshly sinners, we will make mistakes because that is inevitable as a sinner, we are not perfect beings, I know that each second of every day you have a Father who loves you and Christian family somewhere around you who love and support you as well. I know that each day will get better, you must choose to take it as it comes and learn from the mistakes you make and celebrate those little bits of victory you will have along the way.

As your Sister in Christ, I am wishing you a happy healthy new year, full of all sorts of glorious moments whether it be eating at a new restaurant, making new friends, finding a pair of shoes you love, or taking those much needed trips somewhere around the world even if its just across the street to help a fellow neighbor. I am speaking happiness, joy, accomplishment, fulfilling moments, adventure, praise, and a longing of God over your life just as mine. I speaking that you will accomplish your goals no matter what they are, you will look back on this year with a renewed heart in the end and be full of happiness to see how far you have come. Thank you Jesus for allowing all these wonderful amazing things to happen to each and every one of children, thank you for each second of each day that we get to spend in the world you created. Thank you for our family and friends and our fellow Christians Lord. Thank you for all those unforeseen milestones we will hit along the path in this new year. Thank you for helping us live in the NOW rather than the past or too much in the future.  In Jesus beautiful, wonderful name, Amen

I am choosing the NOW, what are you choosing?

Kristen

If you are interested in reading the book mentioned above you can check out a copy HERE!

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