Tuesday, April 08, 2014

What I Have Learned From Raising Toddlers...

Mood Swings; they happen often and when they are least expected. Toddlers do not care if you are in the privacy of your home or if your meeting the pope, they will act like a bipolor clown no matter what.

Anytime you fix a meal they will object to it, unless you are having what they want that given moment. My son actually tries to tell me his body parts hurt so he doenst have to eat dinner; I am still unsure of how toes effect your eating. 

The dog is just another playmate, sometimes they become partners and get into the trash can when you are having people over in like 2 minutes...they also like to stink you out with their farts.

Messes, they make more messes than a hoarder. You cannot leave a toddler to their own devices for even a millisecond because if you do your in for a unwanted treat. 

They do get into the fridge and help themselves to whatever they want, no matter the time of day. They are freaking sneakier than a robber. 

Nick and Disney are the only channels your tv sees during a toddlers wake hours. Lord help you if you change the channel. 

Silence is NEVER golden when you have a toddler, that means something unwanted is happening.

They never share, EVER. On top of that anything that can be used to color is fair game.

They are demanding, its like unleashing satan if you object.

Bath time is like a swimming pool, they can even make their own toys. 

Questions are asked ALL THE TIME no matter if you have answered them. Why is the biggest one of all.

Good luck taking a nap, they will sing you a evil song of death if they even see you closing your eyes.

Jealousy is a given, they will not share toys, clothing, or YOU; EVER. They will duke it out with siblings who are 3 times their size and win every single time. 

Toilets become the local swimming pool for not only your cell phone, jewelry, makeup, etc, but for the toddler them self. They find the toilet really interesting because its the grossest place in the house, sometimes they even recruit the dog for the adventure.

They have no knocking skills, EVER. Do not even try to romance it up with your spouse when you "think" they are sleeping without locking that door, if you dont they will just waltz on in...AWKWARD! 

I leave you with the following wise words from Ralph Waldo Emerson;
"A child is a curly dimpled lunatic" 


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